3 Reasons Gay Men Never Get a 1st Date | Gay in Austin | A Relocation Guide for Gay People Moving to Austin, TX

3 Reasons Gay Men Never Get a 1st Date

Apr 16, 2015 Comments Off on 3 Reasons Gay Men Never Get a 1st Date by

By Tammy Shaklee, Founder, He’s For Me

As the “Gay Matchmaker” who introduces compatible men seeking a long-term relationship, my team and I work on coordinating the details of a first date on a daily basis. We are essentially “love agents” who represent our clients, and take the guesswork out of how, when, and where to meet that great guy who just might be the one.

Some might ask, why don’t you just text or email me about him, and I’ll take it from here? Overwhelmingly, from our interviews and getting to know gay bachelors from coast to coast, it’s because…you won’t. And don’t. No matter how much you truly may want to.

Setting up first dates is what we do for a living. (We even coordinate the second date, if both mutually agree through the post introduction feedback process.)

My team of straight allies in the office happens to be all women. And women love details. (Trust me. My husband has been discussing our Texas coast camping trip for a year, so it’s going to take me putting it on the calendar for it to happen.)

Men are men. In so many aspects, gay or straight. Men are big picture, big idea, big concept thinkers. They have great ideas and they are often proud to share them. But when it comes to the finer details….well….

That’s where we come in.

An actual date happens because of 3 very important details being proposed, sometimes negotiated, and then confirmed. They are:


Sound silly? Sound obvious? Sound too elementary? Let me ask then how many times you’ve run in to the guy at Lucille’s and said, “Hey, good to see you, you know, we never got that drink we talked about!”

“I know, right? Let’s do.”
“Alright, I’ll text you.”
“Oh, you text me? Okay, Can’t wait.”

Then 2-3 months later, you run in to that same great looking, got it together, fun-loving, and professionally successful bachelor at the new JW Corner Bar.  And what do you guys say? (Shall I repeat it again?)

The best way to get a first date, and see if he’s also serious about escaping the group and sitting face to face and having coffee, or a drink, or sharing a happy hour or brunch with you, is to simply propose three things: an actual date on the calendar, a time that would work for each of you to meet, and a specific location. That’s it.

Taking the risk to actually put that out there allows Mr. Eligible Bachelor to do one of two things. To show you he’s serious by volleying, if you will. “Sounds great! Tuesday doesn’t work for me, but Thursday would, and I love Guero’s! Does Thursday at that same time work for you?” Or, let’s be honest. If he’s not that in to you, or is that ‘never going to commit guy’, you might hear, “Oh, I love that place, but SXSW madness just ended and April is so crazy with Easter and all, so…..”

If he doesn’t take your offer and accept or negotiate to nail it down, move on. You can do the one arm hug and keep talking about that infamous drink for years every time you run into each other at Gay in Austin happy hour, my dear. We hear examples of it every day. Don’t waste your time, or his. Get a new casual greeting line for when you see him next. (Hell, compliment his shoes, and stop talking about getting together.)

If he doesn’t take your offer, then refocus your efforts on the guy that will. Give yourself a goal. Give yourself a timeline. Start spring with the dating life you want and deserve. You can take some simple steps to be your own matchmaker. It all starts with asking that great guy to meet you for a drink to see if you might have a connection.

Who doesn’t love chips, salsa, and a margarita (or Topo-chico) on SoCo or a patio this time of year? So for all of you attending this month’s Gay in Austin Monthly Happy Hour, I challenge you. Don’t leave the mixer without proposing one formal date. Walk in with that goal, and go for it! Salud!

For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay man, visit He’s For Me, offline, personal matchmaking designed exclusively for select gay men seeking a long-term relationship – at www.H4M.com, and like us on our Facebook Page for daily inspiration on finding love. #loveislove


Photo Credit

Socializing in Austin, Sponsor hes for me

About the author

I'm the Founder and President of He’s For Me - the private, offline and personal matchmaking service designed exclusively for select gay professionals seeking a long-term relationship. As a former broadcast journalist, political director, and nonprofit CEO, I myself reached out to an offline matchmaking service as a busy professional.  After moving to Austin 10 years ago, I relied on experts to search and find quality and professional men with mutual long-term relationship goals.  I left the details to matchmakers, and would find or make time to dedicate to introductory lunch dates.  Through two years of satisfying and extraordinary introductions, and some great friendships, I finally met my match when it came to chemistry, interests, and the love of life and entertainment.  He was everything I had asked for through the matchmaking process. Combining more than 20 years in leadership, three high profile career industries, and a zest for love and happiness, I've researched, conducted confidential focus groups, interviews, and solicited the help of experts.  Together, with supporters of and pioneers in the LGBT community, I launched the one-on-one matchmaking service for gay professional men in 2012. Interested in speaking with us? Contact He's for Me
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